Friday, November 23, 2012

God Bless America: Interview spoof with Gregory F. Rayburn

Greg, everybody is saying you tanked Hostess? 

Greg: Look, I didn't tank Hostess. The employees refused a pay cut. It's there fault.

I can't help but notice you have pretty expensive cars, a helicopter on your lawn and yacht in mansion's pool?

Greg: Dam that Jim. He's always leaving the yacht in the pool. I'm not inviting you over to any more board member parties.

 Do you think now is the right time to be having a party? The American public is pretty outraged. 

Greg: They're only pissed because I've taken away their Twinkies. Think about. American's have been complaining about corporate greed for years now but you name and they keep on buying. In the old days people boycott. But Americans are like fattened cows. Mooo! I want my Hoho.  Frankly, this shit storm caught me by surprise. 

Well, Greg, speaking shit-strorms I've heard through the grapevine your bowls have been like hurricane Sandy during the storm surge? 


Greg: Yes, well my tummy's been very upset. I'll probably be the most hated man in America for few weeks. It's not everyday that a man get's pass 18,000 employees of onto the United States government.

You say that like it's a kind of privilege?

Greg: Ha, ha. So funny. But seriously, didn't you know this is the reason we spent millions on lobbyists and campaign donations? I've made fortune. I mean a fucking fortune and that's not including the bonus I'll get for selling off the assets. In other countries I might be considered a criminal, but not in the United States. And check it out. Thanks to my new found celebrity I'm now the spokesperson for Pepto Bismol's new Pepto CEO. America's the only country in the world where I get famous and rich for screwing 18,000 people. God Bless America.


Tips for Multi Tasking from Top Model Contestant Kristin Kagay


Friday, November 16, 2012

Laura JamesTop Model Winner =(



 Look, Laura's not all bad but she's a fickle "nice" girl at best. She's the kind of girl who forgets about being friendly after she flocks with her own kind. To understand this, see video of Laura before and after she flocked with Kristin.

 Back in her high school Laura probably brightened the days of social stratum underlings with a simple "hello" and perhaps a few friendly words. And then, after a gossips session proceeded to flip the lunchroom tray to the utter confusion of the social underlings in the crosshairs that week. Throughout school nobody could muster the kind of hate one can muster for Kristin, because Laura is not outright awful. But she's too quick to suspect people's motives behind friendliness because she herself is never genuinely friendly.

Lets put it this way, I wanted to like her but if Kristin is the batman of bitches, then Laura is Kristen's Robin. But she won so I will crown her this week.